Hello Everyone

I like this piece written by Ms Morrison. When you think differently, you do differently. Start thinking about why you are not as happy as you want to be and then DO something about it. Hoping, wishing and praying that one day you will become happy probably won’t work too well. You have to make things happen. Don’t go for the easy way. Go for the hard way. The harder the change the better the outcome. Most people look for the easy way out and that is why they never get out.

It’s hard to exercise, it is easy to lay on the couch and watch TV. It is easy to spend all of your money and not save. It is hard to save for retirement. It is easy to eat and eat and eat. It is hard to be careful about your diet. It is hard to tell someone the truth. It is easy to sugar coat it. Just think about all of the easy roads you are taken and getting no where. Take the hard road and when you arrive at your destination you will be HAPPY….Lee

10 Ways To Be Happy, On Purpose

Written by Melissa Morrison

“He who depends on himself will attain the greatest happiness” ~Chinese Proverb

I was at a Women’s Leadership Conference about a year ago and had an “ah-ha moment”. We
were all introducing ourselves and asked to share a few things to help with the
process. One question left me baffled and ultimately changed my life; “What do
you do to make yourself happy?”.

At the time I honestly didn’t know. I had a great job, friends,
and family. I was independent, young, healthy, and yet I couldn’t figure out
what made me happy. I vowed that day that I would be happy on purpose because I
was tired of waiting for happiness to happen.
It’s not been an easy road, but it’s been the most fulfilling adventure I’ve ever been
on and I feel that I should now share what I’ve learned with others.

1.  Know Yourself
“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is nobody else who is you-er than you.” ~Dr.Seuss

How many times have we heard “no one will love you until you learn
to love yourself” or “nobody knows you the way you do”?

So get to know the right-now-real you, both the good and the bad, and own it. Write down
your qualities, characteristics, values, strengths, and weaknesses. What makes
you happy? What drives you crazy?

The good news is that if you don’t like certain aspects of yourself right now, you have
it in your control to change that. But to change something you first have to
know what you’re working with. So do some serious soul-searching and figure
that out!

2.  Discover who your idealized self is and start working towards that.

“Open your eyes and look within. Are you satisfied with the life you’re living?” ~Bob Marley

The question we all got asked when we were little was “what do you want to be when
you grow up?” Now the question is “WHO do you want to be when you grow up?”
You’ve taken a good hard look at who you are in this moment, and now is the
time to figure out what’s next.

Think of the “ideal you” and start doing the things
that your idealized self would be doing. There was an article on Pick The Brain
a while back entitled “How To
Fake It Until You Make It” in which the author, David Wright,
suggests that we imagine the qualities that your idealized self has (the work
it takes) and start putting them into practice.  It’s time to stop playing make-believe and to start taking
action!

Let’s DO this!!!“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You
can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you
know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…” ~Dr. Seuss

3.  Be Authentic

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.” ~Bruce Lee

Always be true to yourself. When working towards becoming your
idealized self it’s important not to lose sight of who you are in favour of who
you think you should be. Don’t compromise your values, morals, or true
personality. Your individuality is important! Some people live their lives
trying to be more like somebody else. My question to you is this: If you’re
trying to be somebody else, who’s going to be you?

There may be certain things about yourself that you’d like to change or improve upon, but
be absolutely sure that you make these adjustments for yourself and for your
best interest. If you change anything in your life for the sake of someone
else, and it’s not really what you want, you will only become resentful and unhappy.

To be truly authentic, one must rise above the crowd and be a true individual. Find
your truth; a reason for which to live and die.

“Few are those who can see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts” ~Albert Einstein

4.  Understand that you can only control yourself.

“When there are no enemies within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you” ~African Proverb

As I started my journey to being happy on purpose, I realized very quickly how
little in my life was within my control. I had no power over other people;
others will do, think, and feel what they want and there’s little I can do to
change or even influence that.

I could only manipulate my environment and the things that happened to me to a certain degree.

I started to wonder if I could control anything in my life at all and I realized that I
can only control myself. More specifically I had control over my attitude and
my reactions to what the world throws at me.

For example, if you lose the life of a loved-one, you are going to have feelings of
grief and even despair or anger. You need the grieving process as a human being
and part of being authentic is being true to your emotions; otherwise you are
in denial of what you truly feel and want. You can, however, choose the
attitude of “moving on” or choose to dwell on it. You can choose to react by
lashing out to those around you and hiding in your room with nothing but your
grief and anger for company. OR you could choose to spend time with people who
will make you feel better or immerse yourself in a project or work to keep your
mind off things until you start to heal.

The idea that you have such little control over life might be
scary for some, but you can also choose to look at it as freeing yourself from
worry. If I have no control over something, there’s no point worrying about it
because I can’t change it anyways. If I have control over it then I can take
action, and again I no longer have to worry because something’s being done!

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” ~Maya Angelou

5.  Achieve balance in all things.

“Before Enlightenment – chop wood, carry water. After Enlightenment – chop wood, carry water.”

~ Zen Buddhist Proverb

There is a Yin and Yang; everything has its opposite, and the key
is harmony between them. For example you must strike a balance between
selfishness and selflessness. Chose either extreme you will quickly find
yourself unhappy. If you always give to others you end up being useless to
everyone because no one will take care of you for you, and a person who never
gives to anyone will live a lonely and unfulfilling life.

The same can be said for striking a balance between your emotions
and your logic. Are you being true to your emotions (giving them validation) or
are you totally absorbed in them (giving them control)? Your logic and your
emotions should work together to guide you in a balanced and healthy way of
living.

6.  Learn to let go.

Learn to let go of the things that are not within your control or
that happened in the past. Instead embrace and work on your self-control and
self-esteem. You will be more at peace with yourself and can then enjoy life
despite what the world throws at you.  Ask yourself
“How is this working for me?” Does it help you to feel sad or angry all the
time? Is it productive and useful when you lash out when someone or something
upsets you? Is it healthy to become obsessed about an issue, person, or event
that you have no control over in the first place?

To let go is to fear less and love more. It means knowing that you
can’t do it for someone else, that you have no control over another, and that
the outcome is not in your hands. Letting go is making the most of yourself,
not blaming another or trying to change them. It means caring about someone, not
caring for them, and allowing another to make mistakes and be a human being. To let go is not to
regret the past but to grow and live for the future.

“If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew; just go right along and you’ll start happening too.”
~Dr. Seuss

7.  Give your life meaning and actively seek your inspiration.

“Love the life you live. Live the life you love.” ~Bob Marley

So many of us go around searching for the meaning of life or waiting for inspiration
when really it’s within ourselves and up to us – no one will do this for you!  While at the Woman’s Leadership Conference I had theprivilege of listening to our guest speaker, Canadian Olympic Gold Medalist,
Clara Hughes. She shared with us that she suffers from Clinical Depression and
that sometimes she gets so down in the dumps that she forces herself to
ACTIVELY seek her inspirations. Clara stated that inspiration hardly ever just
falls on your lap and that if you need it you have to go and find it for
yourself.

Don’t look for the meaning of life; instead give your life meaning! One way that I did
this for myself was by becoming a “mother” to something – I got a dog. His name
is Charlie, and he’s been such a blessing for me. We’ve worked really hard on
establishing a good relationship and I’ve learnt a lot being a “Pack Leader”
for him. In doing what was good for Charlie (teaching him commands, working on
his walking habits, regular grooming, giving him lots of love and work for him
to do) I also became a better person. I learned to be more patient, how to be
more assertive, and have become more active.

So go out there and find your meaning! Get inspired! Join a
not-for-profit group, volunteer, get a pet, become a Big Sister or Brother, and
go to some self-improvement or awareness workshops. Invest in yourself and
you’ll soon reap the rewards of being content and feeling productive in your
life.

8.  Focus on the positive.

“There are two ways to live; you can live as if nothing is a
miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle” ~Albert Einstein

The expression “everything happens for a reason” annoys and upsets
some people because it suggests that your path is predetermined and that The
Fates or God is in charge of your life. The idea that a child dying of cancer,
for example, is meant-to-be is frustrating and unfair; but the reality of it is
that you have no control over your outside world. So I choose to think “in
everything I have to find my own reason”. Instead of asking “why did this
happen to me?” I ask myself “What positive thing can I find in this?” By
focusing on the positive of any situation (and trust me if you look hard enough
you’ll find it) I help keep myself positive and happy.

The good wouldn’t be as sweet without the bitterness of the bad. You go through the
tough times to strengthen you for the excruciating ones to come. It’s in
experiencing these tough times where you will truly be able to live with
gratitude for what you have that is good.

“Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.” ~Bob Marley

9.  Surround yourself with like-minded people.

“A man should choose a friend who is better than himself. There
are plenty of acquaintances in the world; but very few real friends”~Chinese Proverb

Change is never easy. It’s even more difficult if the people you
choose to spend time with aren’t the “right people”. Just ask someone who’s had
to kick a bad habit (smoking, drinking, drugs, junk food, etc.) what it’s like
being around people who haven’t quit or cut back yet. It’s easy to fall back
into your old habits because they come with a certain comfort. It’s the same
when you’re trying to be positive and happy and surrounding yourself with
people who are negative and miserable. Misery loves company right?

So surround yourself, instead, with people in whose presence you
feel optimistic, happy, and vibrant. If you can’t think of one person in your
life that meets this standard it’s probably a good sign that you need to find
new people!

I’ve had to “weed out” people who I thought were my friends –
these were the people who always seem to be gossiping, talking about negative
things, and focusing on the downside of every situation. I learned to be picky
about the people I spend time with and limit the amount of time and energy I
spend with those who tend to be toxic to my well-being. And no, it wasn’t fun or
easy doing this, but it was worthwhile because they were just bringing me down.

Sit down and write out two lists for yourself – on one side write
down the names of people who give you good energy and on the other side write
down those who more often take your energy. Then try to steer clear of those
who drain you and make an effort to spend more time with those who motivate you
and are positive.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t
matter and those who matter won’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

 

10. Keep going

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you
can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”~ Martin Luther King Jr.

I was watching Firefly (2002-2003 TV series) and there was a saying
that a few soldiers shared that was an even better version (I think anyway) of
the Martin Luther King Jr. quote: “When you can’t run, you crawl. And when you
can’t crawl you find someone to carry you”.

Sometimes you can’t do it on your own. But you can’t just stop
either. I went and talked to my doctor about my depression when it got so bad
that nothing I did seemed to make a difference. I talked to my friends and
family about it and found support and love when I did. I got the help I needed
when I could no longer do it on my own and it’s made all the difference in the
world.

I’m proud to announce that I am doing much better now. I know what
makes me happy and I do it for myself. I am purposely happy every day, even
when it’s rainy and cold and everything seems to be going wrong.

 
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving” ~Albert Einstein

—Melissa Morrison is a
Job Developer with YesYouCan Employment Consulting in Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario
Canada. She works with people who have disabilities in finding meaningful
employment and facilitates