Hello everyone
I just spent the day with my eleven year old grandson Tristan. He kept me pretty busy. He is not into naps. He likes to be with me because he 100% trusts me. I can not imagine ever doing anything to lose that most important thing…trust. Margot my 13 year old grandaughter told me recently that she wanted to tell me something but wanted me to promise not to tell her parents. What she told me was no big deal. I talked her into telling her parents and all worked out well. The payoff for our family was, she trusted me and also with some encouragement trusted her parents. Grandparents as you know are always more reasonable than parents.
One thing that is critical… if you want to achieve great results… is for people who work with you or your friend and family to trust you.
We all know whom we trust… and whom we do not trust. Sometimes we are not even sure why we don’t trust someone.
Building trust takes time and patience. People in general build trust over time by their behaviors. If their behaviors are ethical and honest over a long period of time, then people usually say, “I trust them.”
We all find ourselves in uncomfortable situations from time to time where we have to make a personal decision whether to do the right thing or not.
I often tell people that you need to figure out now what you stand for so that when a compromising situation occurs in your business or personal life you will instantly do and say the right thing. This is not always easy because sometimes you are taking on your leader, and sometimes you are taking on some important person in the community.
It is true that short-term difficulties can come to pass for you when you do the right thing—but in the long haul, you will be the winner.
We all have reputations, and we are pretty much responsible for them. Our actions and behaviors create our reputation.
I have told you before that Priscilla has told me often to “Be careful what you say and do today, Lee. They are watching you and judging you.”
This is great advice for every single person in the world. Your fellow employees are watching, your friends are watching, your kids are watching, your associates in organizations are watching. Even total strangers are watching, so be careful what you say and do.
Reputations can change—but this takes time.
Being an honest communicator is one of the keys to being trusted. Telling the truth is not always easy; but it not only makes people trust you, it helps others correct their own behaviors, so you are actually helping them . . . and that should make you feel good.
Make sure that you are organized so when you commit to something or make a promise, you follow up and keep that promise. Why you don’t keep your commitments and promises does not matter. You may say I forgot . . . but for the other people in your life, that translates to not trusting you.
Tell people what your ethical standards and expectations are. Openly talk about your ethics, and you will find that people will not put you in a compromising situation in the first place.
When people demonstrate their own high ethical standards and integrity to you, make sure that you congratulate them for their courage. When you can do it in public—that is even better. It is a great lesson for the individual and for groups. People learn from real-life examples.
One way to really build trust is to admit your mistakes. We are not perfect, and we are going to make judgment mistakes. If you say something inappropriate, quickly say, “I am sorry that I said that. It was wrong, and I apologize.” People love to forgive others if they will just admit their mistakes.
Be authentic. Be yourself. Don’t try to act like something you are not. Don’t put on airs. Everyone sees through this nonsense. Respect confidentiality. People will know whether you can keep your mouth shut and keep confidential information to yourself. People who are insecure like to go around revealing confidential information to make them feel more important. You have a reputation already in this area. The better you are at it, the more you will be trusted—and the more people will seek you out to keep you informed of the truth.
Be available for people who need you. The word will get out that you care and you are available to help others. Use your authority and position to help others.
Over time you will either be a person who is trusted or one that is not trustworthy. This is a big deal and can make or break your career and relationships in your personal life.
It takes a long time to build trust and one second to lose it!
Have a great week out there, and remember to be careful what you say and do as they are watching you and judging you. Remember also that people are either saying good things or bad things about you behind your back! . . . Lee
Lee:
Thanks Lee. This is a real big one. For me, over the last fifty years, I have found trust to be the very foundation for everything a person..or a company is really about. It is the great differentiator in everything we say and do.
And, it begins very, very early. When your children see that you are going to do what you say, they learn what trust really means. I have two adult children: Nicholas and Caroline. When they say they are going to do something, you can ‘”take it to the bank.” And their friends and team members in business know this. The reason why is becase their mother always did exactly what she said. My children knew if my wife was five minutes late after she said she would pick them up at a ceratin time, she was probably dead. She never was late by the way. And she never is to this day.
I had to learn early on that dad doesn’t get a pass because he is “working to support the family.” I was not in the same league as my wife. That is why I married “up.” I learned the hard way, and I paid the price. It took years before I gained the credibility with my kids that my wife enjoyed from the beginning. Some of us are lucky enough to have the right kind of guidance early. But it doesnt mean we can’t learn. I learn it every day.
Trust is probably the most important thing a leader or a company can possess. It may not be on a balance sheet, but it’s basis is the entire balance sheet; and it lies within the mind and heart of every person in the organization. It all starts with trust; and it starts at home.
Best,
Ben May
PS Happy Birthday
Thanks Lee. Great thoughts. Trust is critical in any relationships whether work or personal. To many people don’t think about how to build it.